Tag Archives: mindfulness

Skating to the Edge of the Night

As uncle Bob led us across the snow-covered pasture, I looked up and saw Venus shining brightly just above the lavender and pink-streaked horizon.  I took a deep breath, and as the cold night air surged into my lungs, I felt a sense of adventure.  Down the hillside we slid to the edge of the pond.  My brother Matt and my four cousins and I began strapping on our ice-skates as Bob began to gather a kindling for a fire.  The full moon was rising behind the pines across the pond from us.

Soon I was gliding along in circles, as the moonlight glistened on the smooth black ice below me.  Meanwhile, flames from the fire danced in the darkness.  I skated in and out of light beams and silhouettes.  I felt the winter air against my face.  I was in a new world of luminescence, mysterious shadows, crystalline air,  and primeval flames.  I felt a visceral, organic connection between myself and the natural world.  Strangely, as stark and raw and cold as it was, I felt a sense of security and well-being.  I felt at home.  I was existing inside a feeling of total freedom, which kept expanding and expanding. 

 Stopping to rest, we gathered around the fire.  While we’d been skating, uncle Bob had wrapped potatoes in tin foil, punctured them with holes, and placed them in the hot embers. Now we carefully unwrapped the steaming potatoes, cut them in half and slathered them with butter.  I got big morsel onto my fork, cooled it down enough, and put it into my mouth.  The mélange of steaming potato, charcoal, melted butter and bits of dirt was transcendental.  I felt as if I had never really tasted a potato before – so pure, so distinct, so rich was the experience.  Meanwhile, I looked out across the moon-lit ice pond.  I felt happy – alive.

To experience life directly, head on, without any buffer, is what skating on the ice pond provided for me. The feeling of gliding freely in the winter night, beneath the light of the moon, lives deep inside of me.  I can still taste that fire-roasted potato from uncle Bob as if it is right in front of me.  There is a beauty to the rawness of life experienced in the wilderness, and that beauty can stay with us forever.  These experiences were common in my youth.  Now it seems such experiences must be sought out with intention, especially amidst our world so influenced by technology,  and where most of live removed from natural world.

In the modern world, with our dominating interest in machines and technology, we have harnessed the forces of nature and made them work for us.  But it can be easy to forgot that we are not the source of those natural forces, the source of that power.  The source of nature’s power and beauty is what sages from time immemorial have contemplated.  It prompted ancient priests and priestesses to describe Earth as a goddess – as our Mother.  It inspired poets like John Keats to say, “Beauty is truth, truth beauty. That is all ye know on earth and all ye need to know.”  It’s what drove Cezanne, Monet and Van Gogh to tirelessly fill their canvasses with the ever-changing mystical light of southern France.

The idea of allowing our children to experience the natural world sounds simple enough, but it carries with it a deeper significance.  Nature is a reflection of our own spark, our spiritual essence.  The natural world is like a mirror of all of the beauty that lies within us.  And as such, the more we can bring our children into contact with nature, the more our children can experience a reflection of their own inner selves.  Nature is a refuge where all of us find ourselves again.  Its puts us all back in touch with the greater cosmic harmony in which we all participate.

Maria Montessori felt that the experience of awe and wonder is the primary goal of education – and by extension of childhood.  And the natural world is where awe and wonder live.  When our children look at a flower, hear a bird sing, touch a turtle’s shell, see a snake slither or spot a butterfly, these experiences become touchstones of their spirit.  When our children roll in the grass, jump in the creek, play in the mud, skip stones at the lake, catch a fire fly or poke the embers of the campfire, they are embracing first-hand the essence of life.  Those experiences fill them with a joy we hear in their exuberant squeals of laughter and we see reflected in the light of their eyes.

So as life seems to speed up, slow it back down.  For a day, live organically not virtually.  Become fascinated again by the little miracles of nature – whether it’s in the woods or on a farm, on the mountain or in the river, at the lake or at the sea, on the ski slope or on the ice pond.  Be intentional about finding experiences of the natural world with your children.  Grow a garden.  Go for a hike.  Or get on the bike.  Pick some apples.  Make a plan.  Put it on the calendar.  If you live in the city, get creative.  Visit the arboretum.  Find the local community garden.  Go to the natural science museum.  Nature is closer than you think.  Be like the bees and seek out the flowers.  For like the bees we are pollinating the next generation, so they too will seek the nectar of life.  In so doing, our children’s lives – and ours – will be enriched.

Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.“ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Activity:  Go on a mini vision quest. 

Take your child to a creek.  Walk to a place along the creek where you cannot see the road or hear the cars – away from the trail and other people.  Tell your child that you just want to sit quietly for ten minutes along the water without talking; that you just want to watch the water flow, hear the creek ripple over the rocks and the birds sing above, feel the sun and the breeze on your face, rest on the rocks or moss beneath you.  

If you want, you can share the idea that native people would do this kind of thing to get in touch with the earth, to feel reconnected to nature and to even hear the messages from the animals and the plants – messages even from the water and the stones.

After the ten minutes is up, take a deep breath and stretch.  Ask your child how they liked the experience?  What did they hear or see?  Was there something special that drew their attention?  Like the native people, did they receive any messages while sitting by the creek? Was there an animal or plant or insect that spoke to them?

As a follow up, you can have notebooks or drawing pads with you – and spend some extra time either writing / sketching what’s in front of your or describing the experience you just had.  This has the added advantage of creating a permanent memento of the experience.

The activity suggested above is for one parent and one child.  Of course, you can do with more members of the family, but try it first with just two of you.  Be sure you won’t get interrupted by the ring of your phone – or distracted by checking your messages.  Try to be fully present.

 If you like this experience together, why not make it a tradition?  You can go to a different part of the creek each time – or go to a different nature place altogether. You can also expand the amount of time you sit in silence. These mini vision quests can become an important bonding opportunity – just you with your child and the natural setting you choose.

Postscript:

Uncle Bob was a shaman of sorts when it came to building fires, cooking potatoes in the embers, pointing out planets in the night sky, finding the best fishing holes, showing us hidden raspberry patches, spying the hawk on the branch of the oak tree, finding an owl feather on the trail, or telling tales of olden times.  I will always be grateful to him for spending time with us during those formative years of childhood and putting us into such direct contact with the elements of life.  Those experiences formed who I am and instilled in me a deep love for the natural world and an appreciation for the small things in life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Night I Met Beethoven

 I was about 7 years old.  When I got home from school, it was raining and I couldn’t play outside.  I could hear the sound of the piano in the great room and so I quietly opened the door.  My older brother Peter was sitting at his Steinway baby grand, his eyes fixed squarely on the music sheets in front of him.  He did not look up or say anything, and so I sat down on the couch nearby.  

 I closed my eyes.  I could feel in the tones of the piano keys a mystical quality, something deeply soulful. The emotions I began to feel were very deep – and new.  It was as if the notes of the piano echoed a longing inside myself.  I was transported to a timeless space, and I stayed there until the song was finished.

After he played the final notes, Peter said, “That’s called Moonlight Sonata.  It’s by Beethoven.”  He said, “You can imagine moonlight playing on the waves of the ocean.”  Then he started playing it again.  I closed my eyes and returned to the same deep place, but now I was watching the waves roll toward the shore and crash, illumined by the moon.

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The great room became a refuge for me, and these listening sessions with my brother Peter became meditations, though it was many years later that I recognized them as such.  It was in this way that I became aware that I had inside me an internal world.  Within that world lived all kinds of deeper emotions, which brought with them new insights about myself and about my daily experiences.  Whatever challenges I may have faced during the day at school or on the playground, by listening to my brother’s playing I was able feel again the beauty and goodness of life.

I had begun to encounter the meanness and ugliness of the world.  It affected me deeply to see how roughly kids would treat each other on the playground and it upset me terribly to see boys get into fights after school.  After dismissal, some older boys would follow me off the school grounds and would tease me, tell me to give them money or gum and sometimes beat me up.  I befriended some other tough boys (and girls) and these new “friends” looked out for me and protected me, but then I was horrified at the way they treated the boys that were teasing me.

My only refuge was home.  Once I was at home I would feel safe, and I found great solace in going into the great room to listen to my brother Peter play his piano.  The experience of sitting on that couch and hearing pieces like Moonlight Sonata was a gateway for me to my own inner world.  The place I entered inside could not be damaged or hurt by the meanness of the world outside. It was a beautiful place and this helped me to keep a belief that despite all the ugliness there was beauty in world.

As I sat in these solitary moments I gained an ever-deeper sense of the variations of feeling I could experience. I am so grateful to my brother Peter for putting me in touch with my own soul with the exquisite beauty of his playing and for the gentle patience he showed me.  He never once questioned why I would want to spend so much time in that great room, just listening.  Peter seemed to sense what an impact these musical pieces were having on me – and how important it was to me to have this time where I could let my spirit fly free

I feel so fortunate to have had a safe home, loving parents and my brother Peter’s music to heal me on a regular basis.  But I know many people have not been as lucky – and who may have had many terrible things happen to them as children.  They did not have a peaceful home, let alone an older brother or sister who could help them to tap into a more exalted realm of experience.  Regardless of our circumstances, however, each of us at some point must come to grips with the harsh realities and cruelty of the world.  Finding our way through the darkness of the world into the light of well-being is perhaps the primary task of childhood, and for many of us this process is still ongoing.

Because of the enormity of this task and the emotional residue it leaves inside us all, we as parents would very much like to inure and protect our children from the darker sides of the world.  Like the king who kept his son Siddhartha sequestered in the castle,  where he had every comfort imaginable and was totally sheltered from the sorrows of the world, we would do anything so our children would not have to experience anything bad or hurtful.  Yet in the case of Siddhartha, who later became the Buddha, it was BECAUSE of the suffering he experienced outside the castle walls that he set off into the forest to discover his own meaning and purpose.

How do we help our children pass through “this dark night of the soul” – this realization of the sometime brutal realities of the world – and come out the other side as whole and strong human beings?  We don’t want them to lose their hope, their innocence, their unabashed embrace of life as they journey through childhood.  We are afraid they will lose the unique and special personalities that we have watched unfold since they day they were born.  And we need nurturing ourselves to find the energy, perspective and commitment to support our children along the way.

In my case, beyond having loving parents and a peaceful home, the key ingredient for me to survive those harsh early years of school was the discovery of my interior world.  The realization that I had a space inside myself that I could go where nobody could bother me – a place of deep peace and inspiration – was without a doubt the key.  The experience of that inviolable place within, where I could preserve a sense of beauty and peace in the face of the outside world, was my saving grace.  And ultimately that can be the pathway for our children too.

As Maria Montessori would say, the pathway depends on the child.  Providing our children with opportunities for deeper experiences is easy once we ourselves make the decision that we too need and enjoy those experiences.  Sitting together and listening to a great piece of music – or better still going and hearing the symphony in person – is the kind of activity that allows us all, adults and children alike, to let go of the ordinary world for a while and enter a place of beauty and inspiration.  We all need these soul-nourishing experiences on a regular basis.  Otherwise the heaviness and routine of the world can weigh us down and we can lose sight of the meaning of our lives.  And our children especially need this kind of soul-nourishment.

The power of music – and art in general – is that it is a communication from heart to heart.  When we listen deeply to a piece of music, we can feel the emotions the composer put into the music.  He or she has lived an experience, channeled the feelings of that reality into a musical creation, and then documented that creation in musical notation. The composer’s music is the expression of their own journey and the place where they found refuge for their spirit.

Musicians (like my brother Peter) then bring the composer’s experiences back to life by reading the musical notes and playing those notes on their instruments, intuiting the feelings the composer meant to express,  enabling us to magically feel what the artist had felt.  In this way, the process of art transcends time and space and puts us in touch with realities that are ever enduring.  The invisible feelings, images and ideas that are conveyed in this way can become sustenance for our lives and for those of our children.

In this way, I feel like I met Beethoven when I sat in our great room and listened to my brother play Moonlight Sonata for the first time.  I cannot imagine growing up without those precious times, carried inward by the melodies resounding from my brother’s piano.  Later, I realized that I could return to that inner space even if Peter was not there to play.  I return to that space even today as diligently as I can  – for the same reasons I did as a child – to connect to the stillness, light and peaceful energy of my own soul.

“What seems so far from you is most your own.” – Rainer Maria Rilke


Exercise:

 Set aside time to listen to a great piece of music with your child.  Be sure there are no other distractions around – such as a television playing in a neighboring room –  and maybe inform others as needed that you don’t wish to be disturbed during this time.  This exercise is envisioned for one parent and one child – though variations are of course entirely up to you.

 Remember that, because it is so rare to pause in this world of ours, you are modeling for your child how to actually listen.  Get yourselves comfortable in chairs, on the couch or lying on the floor.  Take a deep breath or two.  Close your eyes if that feels appropriate.  As needed you can say, “Let’s listen to this music together.  Let’s spend a few minutes just letting go of the world outside.” 

 Trying listening in silence till the end.  After listening together, you can talk about how that felt – or not.  You can share any images that may have come to mind – or any feelings that may have come up for either of you.  As a follow up activity, you can have journals or sketchbooks ready to write, draw or paint expressions of the experience you just had.  This can be a continuation of silence or a vehicle for a conversation. Listen the piece again if the spirit moves you.

 Though not necessary, it’s nice if the first piece of music you listen to is somehow meaningful to you.  Of course, later your child may also have a piece of music to suggest.  The caveat for this exercise is that it be a piece of music that lends itself to reflection and promotes a soothing, positive vibration.  While this might be open to interpretation and debate, this usually means music in the classical, jazz or “spa” genres.

 If this exercise is meaningful – why not make it a tradition at a certain time of the week?  This positive habit will build self-awareness and feelings of serenity and security in your child.  In the big picture, it can be a pathway for your child to contact their own inner world.  And of course, the activity can also be so beneficial for you as a parent as well.

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Postscript:

And so, listening to my Peter play the piano became a ritual for me.  Whenever I could, I would go into the great room, close the glass doors behind me, sit on the couch and just listen.  I would close my eyes and just let the music take me away. Each piece would flow into the next and it was like I was on my own secret journey.  Over time I was able to recognize the different composers, and the emotional qualities of the various pieces.  There was Chopin’s Mazurka # 13 and his Waltz in C# minor.  There were Shubert’s Impromptus, Bach’s Goldberg Variations, and Schuman’s Scenes from Childhood.  And then there was Beethoven’s Sonata #7 and Rachmaninoff Concerto #2 and so many others. But still today, I am always transported still by the very first piece I heard my brother play – Moonlight Sonata.

 

 

 

The 15 Habits of Highly Effective Teachers

A September 2, 2016 article in IB World magazine outlines 15 traits that teachers themselves identified as being the characteristics that drive their success.   In reading through these traits I am struck with how similar they are to the qualities Maria Montessori sought to inspire in teachers through what she referred to as the “spiritual preparation of the teacher.”

In order to be truly successful, teachers need to cultivate traits such as curiosity, enthusiasm, a positive attitude, the ability to plan, communication skills and reflection.  They also need to practice self-care, being a good role model and being accessible to their students.  In the end, teachers should aim “not just to help students reach their potential, but help them to surpass their potential.”

This underscores what I have observed during my 30 years as a Montessori educator, administrator, teacher trainer and school consultant:  Being a teacher is a path as much as it is a profession;  it requires constant work on one’s self.  As educators strive to be the best people we can be,  our students learn to do the same.  Ultimately in its highest form,  education is a process of  personal growth for everyone involved.

Learn more at the link below:

http://blogs.ibo.org/blog/2016/09/02/the-15-habits-of-highly-effective-teachers/

Meditation not detention

It is encouraging that more schools are realizing what myriad research studies have shown for decades:  that punishment does not work as way of building essential life skills such as how to manage stress and self regulate one’s emotions and behaviors.  Brain science and ancient wisdom are combining in new and powerful ways as we realize that simple ways of turning within can help us deal with the often violent and chaotic world outside.  I am proud to say that Oneness-Family Montessori School has been a pioneer in teaching students self-reflection skills for over 25 years.  I urge educators across the country to look at model programs that are showing dramatic results and include them in their school programs.  Our students will gain life long self-management skills and our schools will become safer and happier places to be.

Read on Upworthy: This school replaced detention with meditation. The results are stunning.

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